I’ so thrilled to introduce this week’s man of the week!

Andrew Lightheart

 APeacefulResolution.com

Meet Andrew. He’s currently working to help smart, nice people get better at difficult conversations. Andrew recently released his (free) e-book ‘Stop The Dread – 11 ways to move towards (and through) life’s difficult conversations’. After five years in Singapore, Andrew now lives back in the south of England with his husband Stuart and Grace The Dog. He aims to have a degree in Modern Languages from the Open University by the time he is 40, and bakes his own bread twice a week.

How do you serve the world?

My job as I see it is to help people stay open and communicate clearly through challenging times. The difficult conversations thing has been brewing for a while. After years of helping people with presentation skills, I realised that often where people were presenting was often in situations of conflict. The presentation was just framing the discussion that was to happen afterwards. This lead me to spend some years reading, writing and thinking about conflict resolution for ordinary people.

I have now broadened my remit to cover a wider mission of equipping people with the skills and wherewhithal to deal with all types of difficult conversations – talking to strangers, selling your ideas, asking for help, giving bad news as well as handling disagreement in a way that leads to sustainable resolution. There are lots of courses in the pipeline – they’re coming as fast as I can type!

In the meantime, I’ve recently launched an experimental ongoing weekly difficult conversations e-course that gives you a small focus every week so that, by and by, your instincts in challenging situations get better. This is very different to the approach I’ve had for years with presentation skills, which is intense small-group coaching. The difficult conversations weekly focus is more quiet, gentle and sustained over time. Still quite challenging though!

How do you take care of yourself while serving the world?

First off, knowing my limits. I’m working on making my perfect day happen now, rather than waiting for the future. Luckily, I don’t need much. A bit of writing, a bit of language study, and a nap goes a long way. To start with, I meditate every morning (well, six out of seven on average). I try and eat well, exercise regularly, all that stuff. I’m aiming to sleep eight hours a night, even though there was that report that said it was unnecessary. I can be a bit of a worrier, and have been known to not rest well enough. Knowing what I’m able to fit into a day, and making it sustainable is an ongoing challenge for me. There’s so much I want to do!

Another major lesson has been learning about boundaries. I’ve always been quite sensitive – Randi Buckley told me I sounded like an empath, which helped me to make sense of what happens to me. (Funnily enough, the empath was my favourite character on Star Trek: The Next Generation!) For example, at college, I just didn’t know how to let people deal with things on their own, and where to draw the line. I remember in my first week in halls, I sat up all night with this girl I’d just met, listening to some awful thing that had happened to her years ago. Then, she didn’t want to sleep on her own, so we dragged her mattress into my room, and she stayed in with me. That kind of thing happened to me for a while.

I then became a Student Union officer, and took on way too much. Too much responsibility for other people’s stuff. In fact, that was a major reason why I left university – I just overloaded myself. I’ve also just remembered: At one point, back back back in the day, I thought I would help people with phobias, using a mix of stuff I’d learned. I was going to be The Phobia Guy. I got two clients, and it was a nightmare. The process went on and on.

I then tried a bunch of stuff. I trained as a holistic aromatherapist, a coach, a space clearer – and finally I realised I’m not cut out for one-to-one work! Over the years I have tried different styles of working. Finding my own voice and rhythm really helps me to stay replenished. Questioning mental rules about how you ‘should’ be working can free up a lot of energy. And, hey, there are a lot of good coaches out there, so it’s not like the world is missing out.

My other secret? I’m really, really happily married (12 years together and counting) which helps. Stuart looks out for me, and gets stern if I’m not looking after myself.

What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned through being of Service?

Can I do three?

~ It’s a fine balance between doing what you want, what people need and what’s fun.

~ Often you can only see the next step and half, not the whole journey.

~ You can’t help ‘em all.

What and who inspires you?

I love seeing people who are really good at what they do. Musicians, programmers, bakers… Any technical expertise that has come from long study. In fact, whenever I hear someone talking passionately about what they do, I have to control the urge to go and start studying it myself!

I have a soft spot for other meditators too, of whatever stripe. Having a daily practice of stillness can really change people, I reckon. I had a stall at a New Age fair in Singapore once (don’t ask) and there was the usual people floating through. Then this Indian couple came up to me, and as we got talking, it turned out they were from a meditation school. In comparison to the crystals-and-incense crowd, they had a clarity in their eyes that I felt an affinity with. Also I am deeply pulled towards older, unflappable people. I’m looking forward to being eccentric and unshockable!!

If you had six months left to live, what would you do?

I’d spend the first month saying goodbye to everyone, then the last five being quiet and at most two feet away from Stuart, preferably in sight and sound of the sea.

What is a favourite quote of yours?

“It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. Do what you can.” ~ Sydney Smith.

“Books take longer to read than they do to buy.” ~ Andrew Lightheart.

“If you don’t ask, you don’t get.” ~ Joyce Bull, Andrew’s Nan.

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Andrew’s website is APeacefulResolution.com - If you’re on Twitter, follow him. He’s @alightheart

Check who our last guest was here.

I’ve been here for a month and a half now. Whew.

Here are a few tips I have gleaned the past weeks about how to deal with loneliness. It’s probably my least favourite thing after uncertainty and the past few weeks have brought me a good dose of both. Moving to a new place tends to do that to our lives.

• Home is the poison. One of my aunts always told me that the worst thing to do during the day is stay home. She would say: home is the poison. I like the idea of getting up in the morning, following whatever routine gets you out of sleep and into the world and then heading out the door only to come back at night. A good cure against loneliness and boredom.
• But sometimes you just have to stay home. Because that’s where your computer is, because it is pouring rain and you are tired or because of some sprained ligament. The best thing to do then is to see your home not as a prison but a sanctuary, a place to rest and regenerate before facing the world again.
• Move. A lot. In ways that bring you joy and comfort. Moving gets you out of your head and into your body. Moving in conscious ways, will do even better and get you into presence. There are no worries when you are simply being present. Emotions come and go and leave you with a sense of peace. If there are tears, let them flow (that to is movement!) and keep going. Grow the discipline to move every day. Go for a run in the park. Check into a yoga studio or a salsa class.
• Moving too much or, I must say, too quickly might get you a sprained ligament. It’s okay. It sucks but it’s okay. You will now have to move in more conscious and significantly slower ways. Keep moving nonetheless. Breathing is considered movement to by the way. And please, forgive yourself for the injury, remind yourself that it could have been so much worst and that about 95% of your body is still in good shape. (this one is based on last week’s unfortunate experience btw).
• Use all the extra time for prayer and connection to the Divine. I know the common idea is that meditation and spirituality aim at emptying you but I beg to differ. Empty yourself from thoughts, ego and the world. But then fill yourself up with the Divine. Read Holy Writings, memorize words that fill your soul, pray like there is no tomorrow. Use that time of that having too much of a social life to nourish your relationship with God.
• Remember that this won’t last forever. That before you know it, you’ll be once again in a situation where there will be plenty of people around and you will beg the Lord for just a moment of solitude. I know, solitude usually sounds nicer in retrospect but try and change your perspective while it’s going on. Then you’ll really make the most of it.
• Go back to your vision. When you literally want to throw yourself on the flour and cry because things aren’t going your way, connect to the core of you. What brought you here? What great vision do you have for the coming months, for the coming years? Find the small pieces of your vision that are already there and tend to them like precious seeds. Replace negative mantras like “I am so so lonely” with hopeful ones like “It is a process”, “Things are improving each day”, “I am held”.
• Loneliness doesn’t have to mean isolation. This notion has been key for me. You might wake up alone and go to bed alone, and brush your teeth alone, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a part of this world anymore. Find ways to stay connected to the people and things that matter to you. The ones that make you feel at home, loved and alive and best of all, seen.
• Don’t take anything personally. You can work on that for your entire life actually. Let people deal with their own crap and don’t think it has to do with you. I know you wish you were the center of the Universe but it turns out, so does everybody else. So be kind to others even when you feel a little hurt or angry. When you want attention/love/comprehension and can’t get any, try to be a source of it for others. Yes, that takes some saintly effort but try anyways. Ask God to help you since He holds endless supplies of these qualities.
• Look back and see how far you’ve come. Give yourself a hug, buy yourself flowers or just take a big grateful breath. And another.

Well, my friend I hope this serves you. And that whatever you are going through is a source of growth and gratitude rather than complaint and bitterness.

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“The soul hardly ever realizes it, but whether he is a believer or
not, his loneliness is really a homesickness for God.”

-Hubert van Zeller

I am over-the-top excited for you to meet Karen Christensen today. Her mission is so precious and her website so ripe with delicious + inspirational goodness that it would be a crime not to check it. (After you read this interview of course!). Enjoy. 

Karen Christensen

The Legacy Boutique

Meet Karen. A former model and actress, turned photographer | producer | mentor | speaker, Karen Christensen understands the pressures and wonders of being in front of the lens. Commissioned internationally by public figures and everyday women, Karen captures and coaches women through milestone moments. Karen’s actionista creative mentorship inspires women with humor and measurable results to become the ones they are waiting for and to live with passion and purpose.

How do you serve the world?

Hosting esteem-building photography sessions, donating a percentage of talents + proceeds to children and women-centered NGO’s like Kiva, mentoring with celebrity endorsed programs like The Young Storyteller’s Foundation, Big Brother/Big Sister, The Art of Elysium, photographing for women’s campaigns like BodyHeart, developing curriculums to help women in life and in business, and leading women’s organizations like the LA chapter of Tribal Truth later this year. 

How do you take care of yourself while serving the world?

Great question! I’m my most peaceful {+ my most productive} when I carve out time for this type of daily morning practice: waking just after sunrise, journaling, meditating, making green juice, working out with girlfriends on the beach, and then pre-planning the day’s To Do list. So many people today, myself included, feel like we’re “on-call” at all times and to everyone. Truth is — no email, no voicemail, no tweet, is so dire that it has to be answered before 9am. A daily morning practice is the least we all owe ourselves. 

A woman on the run

Karen Christensen posing for www.bodyheart.com

If you had 6 months to live, what would you do?

Since losing my best friend to leukemia, when I was just 24 years old, these types of questions have always haunted me. Truthfully? I don’t know if any of us can really answer this until we’re there. But, I’d like to think I’d focus 99% of my energy on laughing, on learning, on living. My favorite quote is by Emily Dickinson as it reminds me of the fragility of time, “That it never comes again is what makes life so sweet.” My fiancé laughs, but I have affirmations and inspirational quotes all over our house, reminding me to live in the moment and to be fearless.

 “That it never comes again is what makes life so sweet.” 

-  Emily Dickinson

go check Karen’s website here now!!

meet our previous guest here.

He talks about topics that are so dear to me: nobility, love, the union of the material and spiritual, stars.

Oh please, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it. Even if just 5 minutes of it… I bet that’ll be enough to get you hooked.

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“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” ― Carl Sagan, Cosmos

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And here’s a previous performance by Anis Shake the Dust.  One of my favourite pieces ever. And while we’re at it, I’ve got to confess that I have a total poetry-crush on this guy! You can follow him on twitter here: @amojgani

I have moved to a new city less than 2 weeks ago and am starting from scratch. once again.

So far I have no house, no steady job, my personal life is pretty non-existent and my social circle is limited. I don’t even own a piece of furniture. So where do I start from?

Before I start panicking online and wondering whether I’ll ever “get a life”, let’s pause. And breathe.

This so-called life that we feel pressured to get is no big deal after all. Yes, it is important to have job. Of course, it is nice to have a house where you can sleep and entertain people. It is kind of useful to have an address and a phone number for people to reach you. But this is not the life, just a part of it.

When I think about it, I have much more life than I ever used to. I have a strong sense of purpose. I have a soul that is on fire, a heart that is expanding more and more each day, a mind in awe of my new surroundings. I have a tranquility and confidence I had never known before. I have a supportive family and an untouched stash of chocolate. I have immense faith and great memories from a recent pilgrimage. I have everything I need to keep me going until I build a so-called life for myself here.

So here’s that. When you put things in perspective, you realize you have way more than you think. When you pause and reflect you remember what is true, beyond the slogans we like to repeat like mindless monkeys. I don’t need to “get a life”, I have all that I need.

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.”

- C.S. Lewis

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tweetable: (just copy and paste on twitter to share with others) 

“I don’t need to get a life, I have all that I need http://wp.me/p1l35g-o9 via @bahiehk”